#31: ” Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage!”

clue beetlejuice

#31: (tie) Clue — dir. Jonathan Lynn / Beetlejuice — dir. Tim Burton

Yeah, I know, I’m cheating.  Look, the thing is, in doing something like this, you’re gonna forget stuff.  It’s just, it’s like, oh son of a bitch, I meant to include… I mean, my favorite horror movie, Candyman, didn’t even make the cut.  And as I was going along, I would suddenly recall something and think, oh fuck, that needs to go on here, and it needs to go up to…  And it’s not like I could retroactively go back and drop what I already posted.  So, there’s gonna be three double ups.  Truth be told, there should probably be more.  But fuck it.  On with the whys.

If I have to explain why I love Clue, I’m sorry for you.  It’s perhaps the most quotable of the quotables.  It’s got a monster cast, and it’s proven that yes, you can take a board game and make it filmmable if you do it correctly.  You can do something crass and commercial and fucking nail it if you actually write a film.  And goddamn, this film.  Clue bounced from #4, to #40, to #14, to here.  And I still regret it, because it should truthfully be higher.  It’s not a great film.  But goddamn is it eminently watchable.  And re-watchable.  And then rewatchable again.

As for Beetlejuice.  Yes, it’s my favorite Tim Burton movie.  Though, I love Edward Scissorhands, and Sweeney Todd (kinda).  And his Batman.  I dig Tim Burton.  I too shopped at Hot Topic a lot.  It’s okay.  We like him because he’s good.  And thankfully, he didn’t direct Nightmare Before Christmas, otherwise, yeah, this is out.  But it’s got the magical combination of his original muse, Winona Ryder, along with who I wish was still his muse, Michael Keaton — who is still the best Batman.  I WILL ACCEPT NO ARGUMENT ON THIS POINT.  Again, the cast is what does it for me.  It’s a creepy as fuck concept, and dark…so goddamn dark.  It’s still a goofy lighthearted film, but at it’s core, it’s got some horrific, horrific messages.  Keaton’s Beetlejuice is epic.  Freddy Krueger epic.  Just a terrorizing, disgusting, meanspirited bastard.  And this was Tim Burton before he became a brand name.  And while I love Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, c’mon, man.

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