#29: “Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?”

eternalsunshine

 

#29: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind — dir. Michel Gondry

This used to be my number one.  And not even that long ago.  Maybe ten years ago?  But yeah, it was my without question, number one film.  Charlie Kaufman.  Punching into my heart and capturing that enduring loneliness, that lust for trying to capture a manic pixie dream girl in a mason jar with holes poked in the top and making her yours.

But then I got into a serious relationship.  One I’m still in.  My heart got full.  It never carried that wistfulness, my emo-sobber phase as my missus is prone to call it.  I find that many things that spoke to me in my lonely phase now have a less visceral resonance right in the now.  I still love sad songs.  I just don’t love them the same way.  I’m not likely to carve lyrics in my skin with a Sharpie or a safety pin as once I was.

There’s such a quiet beauty in this film, that the nerdy shoegaze folks defiantly whisper, I GET IT, THIS, THIS, THIS.  But when you become a different person, or when you leave those things behind — like finding a book of old poetry from your teen/twenties and rereading them with a cringe.  This film is still beautiful, but it doesn’t crush my soul like it used to.  It doesn’t have that same latch and lock.  Your favorites change as you do.  But it’s still a gorgeous film.

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