CBR #30 – Vacation, All I Ever Wanted, Vacation, Time To Get Away

Faith of the Fallen by Terry Goodkind

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  AHAHAHAHAHAH!  What a piece of shit you are, Terry Goodkind.  What a magnificent piece of shit.

So this book starts out with Richard bummed out after the slaves of Amaranth or Amaretto or whatever the fuck that city was basically voted to tell him to go fuck himself.  So he has a great big sad.  And then he takes this sad to the woods. He abandons everyone.  Decides I don’t want to be the leader anymore.  And then he runs off with Kahlan to live in the woods and be happy and free and enjoy nature.

But instead, Psycho Nicci, one of the Sisters of the Dark that was Richard’s teacher and became Jagang’s bangmaid, goes berserker.  She frees herself of Jagang’s powers.  And she goes to find Richard and Kahlan.  She attaches a spell to Kahlan that basically means that whatever pains happen to Nicci will be visited up Kahlan.  And if Nicci on a whim wants to, she can instantly kill Kahlan. What she wants is for Richard to come with her, and pretend to be her husband.  He’s not allowed to use magic or violence against anyone.  She wants him to see what the Order truly means.  And maybe he can teach her a valuable lesson.

And while Kahlan goes on a fit and basically takes control of the MIdlands Army to hold off Jagang’s billion soldiers, Richard goes into Atlas Shrugged.  It’s not even a thinly veiled metaphor.  It’s seriously straight up fucking Objectivism.  Delivered in a manner that couldn’t be more ham-fisted than if Goodkind punched both his fists up a pig’s ass.  Which I kind of wish he did instead of writing this.

Honestly.  I don’t want to waste my life explaining the parallels.  It’s just embarrassing.  It’s not even remotely adjusted for realism.  It’s seriously like, THIS IS WHAT UNIONS DO!  Hard working people deserve everything they get.  Communism means lazy people will get all of your money.  And Richard of course is hard working.  He’s the hardest working hardest worker since Hank fucking Rearden. He even makes people like him because of how he shows them to take pride in themselves.  Ugh.

Look. I get it. What’s yours is yours.  To each their own.  Why should you pay taxes to a government that will just give all your money to welfare queens who spend it on giant TVs?  Yes, it sucks that you work hard and people don’t and mooch off the system that screws you over.  And those greed union people demanding a fair day’s wage!  FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKERS!  But seriously.  Don’t dip your dickhead ideas in your fantasy story.  It was bad enough that you don’t understand how humans have relationships.  Now, you’re cracking with the fucking Ayn Rand.  You cockknob.  I’m going to hatefinish this series.  It’s officially worse than Left Behind.  You can’t break me.

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