CBR #45 – What The Fuck’s A Kahlan?

Chainfire by Terry Goodkind

I think I’m getting fucking Stockholm Syndrome, because I started to give this three stars.  But thankfully, Goodkind did like always and fucked it up for everyone.

Richard awakens suddenly, and then finds himself being healed by Nicci in a farmhouse because he was shot with an arrow and WHAT TEH FUCK?  Apparently, we jump right in the middle.  Richard awakens, healed, after Nicci uses her dark force powers to remove the arrow to discover that Kahlan is missing.  Not just missing, but completely erased from the minds of everyone.  From everything.  No one believes him.  That he ever had a wife, that there was such a person as Kahlan.  And so most of the book is spent with Richard desperately saying “Uh-huh!” And everyone else going, “I’m sorry, Lord Rahl but nuh-unh.”  The other part of the book features a beast that in indestructable and can take any form and is drawn to Richard if he ever uses magic.

Now, this was interesting, and it worked really well for a while.  Goodkind’s usual repetition is bullshit and he keeps rehashing and proselytizing like always.  He flirts with maybe Kahlan was never real, which is interesting.  And every time Richard tries to explain events that could not possibly have happened without Kahlan, they end up finding a way to work around it.

The massive problem is that with Kahlan gone, all the other female characters start throwing themselves at Richard.  They all suddenly become gushing schoolgirls crushing madly over Lord Rahl.  Former badass ladies are suddenly swooning illogically and irrationally.  Nicci and worse yet Shota, the witch woman.  It’s embarrassing and stupid as fuck.

The thrust of the whole book is that everyone else keeps telling Richard to fucking knock it off and to fight the war and forget this ghost woman.  And Richard finally discovers through yet another deus ex machina — Chainfire — that the secret cabal of Dark Sisters have used this secret magic to erase Kahlan so they could kidnap the boxes of Orden and put them back into play.  It looks like this is going to run the next three books: this one, Phantom, and Confessor.  So we’ll see what happens.  So far, it’s just as dumb and boring as the others.

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