CBR #61 – The Begending of the Endginning

The Omen Machine by Terry Goodkind

I thought I quit you.  This was to be the last book of The Sword of Truth.  But by last book, it’s needless broken into four parts.  Four interminable parts.  Thankfully, they read faster than the other tomes.  But it feels like some kind of DLC content, slapped on to score more points.  I also learned that he’s since inserted a prequel (that fearfully appears to be part of a possible larger series) and some kind of modern day story that involves the mythology of D’Hara and The Rahls and numerology.  I’m sure it’ll turn out to be some sort of Objectivist manifesto as to why robots make you pay taxes.

But I digress.  But there’s not much to talk about.  Omen Machine picks up right after Confessor ends.  And I mean right fucking after.  Like seconds. And immediately, everyone is miserable.  This time, all the nobility wants to know about prophecy.  And Richard hates prophecy because he’s Lord of Free Will.  But they claim that he’s keeping prophecy that they need to know because otherwise the world will end.

SKKRRRREEEEEEETTTTTTT.

Literally.  Literally five fucking seconds before the fucking wedding.  He tore the world in two and threw all the evil people into the other world.  He saved the fucking universe.  He is the most powerful sorceror in the land.  He can cast both kinds of magic, wield a sword like a whirling dervish, and carve a fucking fully functional alarm clock out of a tree.  He’s also a good cook.  But no.  LORD RAHL WE NEED PROPHECY!

Why?  Because of the Dark Lands.  What are the Dark Lands?  It’s the new land that just opened up when you downloaded Sword of Truth: Four More Books.  But there, they are ruled by Hannis Arc, and he controls prophecy.  He’s also apparently a real dick and does black magic.  So he’s using black magic — different from the other two types of magic or four or whatever the count is now — to make everyone hate Richard.  Because decades ago, his father got killed by the old Lord Rahl, and so he must. HAVE. HIS. VENGEANCE.

Ugh.  And so we go through this long process where basically, a machine spits out little metal fortune cookies which come magically true by people dying.  And then a Hedge Maid — a wicked evil witch — uses magic to kidnap Kahlan.  And Richard rushes in and saves her.  That’s the entirety of the book.  It’d be fifty well wrought pages of a compelling story in another author’s hands.  It’s a conflated travesty in this one.  And it sets up all this ridiculous shit for the later three.  It’s so bad, I’m just ready to not even fucking bother with First Confessor or Law of Nines.  I just want to stop but I’m a devoted sociopath.

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