CBR #65 – It’s All Been Said Before

The Third Kingdom by Terry Goodkind

As tempted as I am to just cut and paste phrases from all of my early reviews to demonstrate exactly what Goodkind has done here, I’m not gonna stoop so low.  Honestly, Goodkind continues his odious trend of basically taking four chapters to say what a paragraph could handle.  And then he repeats those four chapters later in a different four chapters when two different characters meet and have to discuss this.  If The Omen Machine was the first in what should have been a small section in a single book, this one is barely a chapter or three.

The plot is simple. Richard awakes inside a wagon listening to two men discuss whether they should eat him and Kahlan now, or wait to sell them.  Richard barely fights his way free, only to get rescue by some cave dwelling folks.  All of their magic users have been killed or kidnapped, except Sammie, their fifteen year old healer.  Because of legend, Sammie realizes that Richard is the ONE and he must close the gates in the Northern Wall to prevent the evil folks from lurching through.  Which they’ve already done.  Richard discovers all of this walking through a single cave.  For nineteen chapters.  NINETEEN.

An advertisement for Goodkind’s self-published prequel the First Confessor informs him of the plot.  I’m not even going to jovially cross that out for a larf.  I was going to skip First Confessor until I realized that Goodkind has woven that story through these last four books.  Because the emperor that Magda Searus must become confessor to stop is Sulachan, who is the leader of the Shun-Tuk, the Mad Max looking motherfuckers who are one of the many tribes from beyond The Wall who eat people.  So Richard, even though he and Kahlan have DEATH in them, must somehow make his way to the wall to save his friends because that’s where they are because of course.

I don’t want to rehash what happens.  Basically, Sulachan comes back to life thanks to Richard Juice and has joined Hannis Arc is heading to the People’s Palace to take over the D’Haran empire.  Hannis realizes that Abbot Dreier is a turncoat, and so he tries to kill him, but Dreier escapes.  Richard has rescued everyone, and now he and Kahlan are headed to the People’s Palace to be healed.  This gonna get awkward!

There are two more books left in the series: Severed Souls and Warheart, which comes out in September.  So I’m going to have read shit out of sequence.  I’m stopping this series to read First Confessor, because that gives backstory on how Sulachan became a mummy and on what they did before.  Then I’ll read Severed Souls.  THEN, I’ll read The Law of Nines, because I am nothing if not a glutton for punishment.  And then I’ll wait to see if Goodkind continues with his Magda Searus prequels, does a sequel to Law of Nines, or if he totally manages to write something new and even more boring.

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