CBR #79 – Hurry Up and Win So We Can Fucking Go Home

Severed Souls by Terry Goodkind

Andy Warhol made a film that was called Empire that was an 8 hour shot of the Empire State Building.  That’s what this series feels like.  How in the fucking fuck.  Like I said, this could have been one short powerfully constructed novel.  Instead, it’s one bloated overlong four book finale.

The same issues that plague every other book are evident here.  Nonstop speechifying.  Constant repetition.  Taking four chapters to do something that should only take a paragraph.  Everyone fawning over Richard ad nauseum.

This book should have been heartrending, because they actually kill several important figures.  It even ends on a huge cliffhanger.  But everything just feels fucking overwrought and empty.  I mean, Goodkind even uses fucking retirony.  A character says, “Don’t worry, I’ll be here a long time.”  And then immediately is found decapitated.  A major fucking character, who has suffered through the series long these now sixteen or seventeen books.  But he’s iced for cheap sentiment.  There’s hardly a chance to even show the emotional turmoil.  So much of the book relies on this bullshit esoterica:  oh look, there’s ANOTHER witch woman.  Oh look, you hold evidence in your hand but instead you forget to mention it.  Oh, there’s a third third type of magic that we don’t know how it works.  Richard and Kahlan are doomed to die, SOON.  But you know SOON is relative.  You have days.  HOURS.  Well, you know, whatever’s convenient to the plot.

Kahlan gets one pimp-ass move but it still feels empty and stupid.  I have no idea why I’m bothering.  I feel like one of those people who complains about the food at a restaurant and the small portions.  But I know I’m not alone.  Looking at any of Goodkind’s books on Goodreads, the reviews are literally either five stars or one star.  I think I was giving two stars for the longest time, and then I just stopped.  I admitted it.  These are empty calories.

Fortunately, I’ve got two books left.  I’m gonna read The Law of Nines next, because the THANK FUCKING GOD last book in the series, Warheart doesn’t come out until November.  Law of Nines is tangentially drawn to the Sword of Truth.  It’s modern set, but features a Rahl and so I’m just morbidly curious.  This has been a poor judgement so far.  Ah well.

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