CBR #80 – Let’s Get Metaphysical!

Dead Ice by Laurell K. Hamilton

This one seemed to take a little bit of time to come out.  I think Hamilton was still pissed that she wasn’t getting the same vampire love as a bunch of kiddie series.  Or as Sookie Stackhouse.  At one point, she tried to claim she invented vampire fiction. Granted, she’s been influential.  She’s 24 fucking books deep in Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter.  And eight deep in her faeries bullshit one.  So she’s got stones.  But man, at this point, I don’t know.

Here’s been my issue with Anita Blake.  It started out, she was an asskicker, fighting bloody gun battles with all manner of supernatural being.  Now, there’s always been an element of romance — the usual saucy romantic sex scene thrown in there.  But then the romance started to creep.  As Anita added lovers to her harem.  And as Hamilton got comfortable with her audience.  Now they are in a polyamorous many partnered varying gendered occasionally BDSM relationship.  You need a fucking flowchart to track who’s banging who and who’s dating who and no those are not mutually exclusive things.  As the books got further along, it became ridiculous in that Anita would pull a See and Say to see what flavor of lycanthrope she’d fuck in this book.  Whole books were just devoted to massive orgies like they were playoff games in some kind of sex league.  People gave up as the violence gave way to Hamilton essentially trying to put kink on the NYT Bestseller list.  It’s also why you can’t film her books.  It’d be porn.  Not even Game of Thrones gratuitous.  I mean, straight up Cinemax 1 AM soft core but with way more dicks.  Plus her characters do not exist.  In real life.  In any way.

Now a few books back, Anita got her guns back.  She drifted back towards the asskickery again.  Edward’s return helped.  There’s always gonna be the banging — but this time there was a nice even spread of gunshots and cumshots. Well, she’s kind of drifting back towards the pern.

I’m just getting sick of Anita being some kind of reverse Zoolander.  I’m stuck with all these really, really, ridiculously good-looking men, who are “yummy” and I just don’t understand why they love little old me.  Fuck.  Shit fuck.  Fucking balls internal monologuing.  Fuck.

The plot of this one is really meandering.  A necromancer is doing really creepy zombie porn.  Anita is due to be married to Jean-Claude in a massive super sweet 16 ceremony.  Historians request Anita raise a zombie so they can interview him.  And the usual internal politicking.

The zombie stuff should be more front and center — but it’s kind of exterior.  Most of the book is Anita angsting over her spiderweb of fuckbuddery.  At least we only endure two scenes of Anita “screaming her orgasm.”  I hope the series is going to work better towards balancing.  I really don’t know where it has to go: though it seems like their aiming towards all-out supernatural war, which I am all for.

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