CBR #125 – Putting the ME-ME-ME in Meditation

10% Happier by Dan Harris

The missus thought I would like this book because it was about an industry person who loathed meditation for similar reasons to myself and yet he was able to find a way to overcome that.  And while this book is about that, it’s not.  It’s nothing.  It’s arrogant fluff.  If it were a pitch it’d be like, “Meditation? Fucking hippies, amirite? But no, seriously, it’s not half gay!”

Dan Harris is a host on several ABC newsprograms including Good Morning America Weekend Edition and Nightline.  I don’t know who Dan Harris is, because I don’t watch the news, because I don’t have cable.  That’s not me being an obtuse hipster.  That’s me being a fucking poor person.

Anyway, in what is purported to be a self-help guide to helping folks overcome their aversion to meditation, it’s more an overt memoir for someone no one really gives a fuck about.  I guess he’s important.  There are people who read the cast lists for Dancing With the Stars and squeal. (Though, seriously, Gary Busey this season?  I hope it turns into Survivor or the Hunger Games halfway through and he straight up porkroasts Paula Deen.)

Harris talks about how he met with pretty much every famous “guru” through his newscasting: Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, The Dalai Lama.  He spends a chapter on each — mostly talking about himself while going, “This fucking guy, amirite, but no serious, he’s not half bad.”

Like myself, Harris has buzzing ideas in his head, and he’s high strung.  Prone to panic attacks.  Mostly because he got into cocaine use.  Unlike me, who has not to my knowledge ever done a narcotic in my life.  I’m already fucked in the head and in poor health.  I’d melt in a corner, with low sperm and an exploded heart.  But that’s always been my problem with meditation, I can’t quiet my mind long enough to focus.  I twitch and spasm, and then the voices start in whispering ideas.  Which is cool — but I just can’t center myself and get to that mindfulness where you reflect on the ideas.

Harris can.  He did.  But that’s about the most help you get out of the book.  Instead of actually giving practical meditation advice other than focus on breaths, he mostly scoffs at the process and then gasps in disbelief like a plant at a shitty magic show.  DOVES!  HOLY FUCK!  YOU’RE A WITCH!

So I got fuck all out of it, other than Dan Harris thinks Dan Harris is very important and that meditation, it’s not half gay, amirite?  Seriously, bro.

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