I finished Cannonball Read last year, and read several books that never made it to review. One of which was the last — hopefully forever — of Terry Goodkind’s odious Richard and Kahlan Quadrology that ended his shitty Sword of Truth series. I’d write a long form review, but really, who has the time and patience for that shit? It was called Warheart. It was like a boy scout Jamboree. A whole lot of crying, nothing happened for a long time, and then boom it’s over. The world was saved, the immediacy of the taint on Richard’s magic which should have instantly killed him lasted five-fucking-ever, and then I don’t know. Honestly, like every female character in the series, I feel sexually assaulted. I managed to block out the trite dialogue and garbagy writing and only remember it in uncomfortable flashbacks. I don’t mean to downplay sexual assault by my metaphor. Terry Goodkind does that enough for everyone.
I’m sure Shitty McGee, much like the Bundy Militia up that successfully commandeered a park ranger’s cabin with 100 dippin’ dipshits with 200 rifles and 4 bags of beef jerky (and now several gallons of lube and plenty o’ dildos), his noble work isn’t done. Maybe he’ll write more Magda the first Confessor novels. Maybe he’ll write more present day Shotgun Of Truth novels. Maybe he’ll come up with something fresh and new used to inject Objectivism into fantasy like a lubed up dildo into a militiaman’s anus. He hasn’t done it in the twenty one years since he shat out Wizard’s First Rule so why start now?
Anyway, it sucked. I sucked for reading them all. And yet he’s got millions of dollars and fans. And I sit in Ohio. So what did we learn?